Mental health is one of the biggest killers of men aged 20-34, whilst suicide rates have lowered over the last decade the issue remains ever-present in today’s society. With June being Men’s Mental Health Month, I thought now would be a good time to look into how football helps many men through tough times and also document my own experiences with combatting mental health. This article is dedicated to all those going through a tough time right now, to show you that no matter how dire the situation might be, things will always get better.
Talking openly about feelings is always tough, a lot of people don’t want to be seen as weak for fear of being judged by their peers. This leads many to bottle up emotions inside of them, which piles on more and more misery until it becomes too much for the person to handle. This is very common in men, whilst some are open and honest with the people around them, others find opening up to a friend or family member very daunting as they don’t know what sort of reaction to expect.
However, there is plenty of hard work going on all across the world to spread awareness of this issue and make help for people who are struggling more widely available. Men’s Mental Health Month is one of those things that looks to encourage men who are struggling to speak out and raise awareness of mental health issues.
People suffer from mental health issues for a variety of different reasons, no two people’s situations will ever be the same, which makes it harder for those to feel validated. Loneliness can be a contributing factor to why the situation doesn’t seem to get any better, as many people tend to shut themselves away from the world when they feel down, which has a massively detrimental impact on an already struggling person.
This is where your football club can come into play, attending matches on a Saturday whether it be a professional club like Wycombe or just your local semi-pro club like Marlow can have a positive impact on a person’s mental wellbeing. Whilst the game can bring great joy, that isn’t necessarily the most beneficial part of attending matches as the social aspect of meeting other supporters around you is what makes any sports match special for all in attendance.
Surrounding yourself with a group of people who all share a common interest is hugely important for our mental health. Being part of a comradery like you are at football can be one of the most uplifting feelings, celebrating the successful times and sticking together through the hard ones. Not only does it give your mind something else to focus on and enjoy, but the friends that you make at football will always be there to support you.
I can certainly back this up myself, as up until 2020 mental health was something that was never really something I thought I suffered with. This all changed very quickly though, the shock of a close family member being diagnosed with a serious illness and the COVID-19 situation took me by storm. Being a Year 11 student at the time, I went from having three months left with my peers from school to just two days. I felt that whilst I was of course sad about leaving school, given the time I had remaining I would’ve been more than prepared when the time came.
Being a student in Devon and not having a job, I didn’t attend very many Wanderers games averaging roughly five per season. The curtain was brought down on the football season early due to the pandemic, and Wycombe managed to qualify for the playoffs on points-per-game. Whilst I wouldn’t suggest allowing results on the pitch to dictate your emotions as nobody is guaranteed success, the good times can certainly be a huge lift.
Wanderers simply qualifying for the playoffs was a massive lift for me, after what had been a tough few months. The fact that they then went on to win them was beyond my wildest dreams, with the anticipation of Wycombe’s first-ever Championship season giving me something to look forward to during the second part of lockdown, a light at the end of the tunnel.
Like I’ve already said, no team is guaranteed to be successful so savor the good times, but don’t let the not-so-good ones have a lasting impact on your wellbeing.
The good times didn’t last though, having not seen my peers from school in nearly half a year I was beginning to miss the group’s company. This made me opt to go to the school’s sixth form instead of my original choice of college, I stupidly picked subjects that I had little interest in, just wanting to get back into my old school. This turned out to be a big mistake, I had my group of friends back but a new problem had arisen. The workload was so much harder to deal with than I anticipated, especially with what I already had on my mind.
The school picked up that I was struggling with the workload, so I explained my situation, and whilst they sympathized with me they wanted me to get my act together. I wasn’t a million miles off from where I needed to be but the more that was put on my plate, the worse it became. Lockdown restrictions being tightened again also meant I was unable to just have a proper escape at the weekend, I was just surrounded by the same four walls and it was taking its toll.
By my second year of sixth form, I’d given up. I spent over a month off as I just couldn’t bear going in and facing all the pressure I was going to be put under. Sure, if I didn’t have other problems on my plate, I would’ve been fine but going back to school and being told I needed to put in all these extra hours was the last thing I needed to hear.
My peers began to catch on that something wasn’t quite right, I just couldn’t talk about it as I was terrified as to what they’d think of me. The head of sixth form had to give me an ultimatum, leave entirely just months before my A-Levels, or stay back a year. With no guarantee that I’d be in a better frame of mind come next year, I decided to leave. My head of sixth deemed me as “Not good enough to work at Sainsbury’s”. These words stuck with me and will continue to do so, as I use what he said as motivation to prove him wrong.
Fortunately, my part-time job at the local shop offered to give me more hours, as I was only working weekends to fit my school schedule. As soon as the pressure of school was alleviated from me, I felt much better. I was enjoying my job and spending time with my colleagues but most importantly, I was doing well and earned a promotion just months into my time there.
Thanks to this, I ended up getting head-hunted for a full-time gig at an aviation engineering firm, where I still work to this day. 2022 was certainly a redemption year for me, with Wycombe also having another memorable year on the pitch and more special memories with my family being made, especially at the playoff semi-final first leg at home to MK Dons. The memory of every single person on the terrace bouncing up and down as the Blues scored the all-important second goal still gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
Things for me personally have got much better since 2022, whilst I still do have moments where I feel the pressure building again, I’ve learned how to deal with those. Being able to attend Wycombe games on a weekend, and traveling up and down the country gives me an escape when that pressure begins to mount. Taking yourself away from the situation with a temporary distraction can be the reprieve you need to collect your thoughts.
Being able to have this home away from home is a big reason why I’ve always got something to look forward to, after a long week there’s always something to get excited about for the weekend. Knowing that I can head to football on Saturday, see my friends, and watch my team play is such a boost to me. Even as little as a couple of months ago, when I had been thrown into a difficult situation, having good times at football with the support of some great friends helped me through the worst of it.
Even during the offseason like we are now, whilst the football might be gone, the people you meet remain. Thanks to modern technology it’s easier to stay connected with everyone around you now than it ever has been before.
Discovering my love for writing after I did some cover work on Boxing Day 2023 at Wycombe’s away defeat to Exeter has been a massive bonus to me, having a new passion that I hadn’t discovered until recently has also really helped me, I love being able to report on my club and providing content for others to read. Sometimes something unexpected can happen that you wouldn’t have imagined in your wildest dreams, I certainly wouldn’t have thought I’d be writing for this website back in early December 2023. This has also opened the door for me to meet even more great people during my time writing so far.
I wanted to write this article to show anyone in a difficult situation that it will get better, and whilst you might not be able to see it, there will be better times just around the corner. I hope that using my own story can inspire and validate everyone reading this, as feeling that nobody else understands can be the hardest part of struggling with mental health. From personal experience, finding that love for something and surrounding yourself with people who share it is the most important way to give yourself that lift, this is why I’ll always firmly believe that simply attending football matches can change lives, as it has done for me.
If you ever find yourself in a difficult situation, it’s important to reach out. I’ve found that the conversation doesn’t even have to be about how you’re feeling, a simple chat about anything in life you and your closest peers share a passion about can be massively beneficial, simply sharing good times and having a laugh can go a long way.
If you urgently need someone to talk to, the Samaritans are available 24 hours a day at the number below:
-116 123
